I’ve found in my life, the more I seek appreciation from others, the harder it becomes to appreciate the beauty that’s all around me. And vice-versa. The fastest way to liberate myself from judgment and criticism is to appreciate the beauty that is all around me. And so just know, that as you listen to this album and all of my music always, it is above all things, an accompaniment to my journey of wanting to be more able to appreciate beauty.
I wake up. No snooze. Off to a good start. I left a glass of water on the counter the night before so I stumble over and chug that shit. I drink another. My shoes are laid out with a mismatched pair of socks. I slip em on with a pair of shorts and head out the door for a morning run.
I get back in good time. Sweaty af, stealing all the air, I hop in the shower to wash off and sing a few out of breath tunes. I haven’t cooked food for myself in a while, and today won’t be different. There’s a lot of good food in LA, but I eat breakfast pretty much at the same place every morning. Some tacos from “Homestate” and a cold brew.
So I dry off, and my mind is set. I can smell the eggs and bacon on those FLOUR tortillas. Holy fucking shit. I’ve done this every day for a year but for some reason I’m just as excited. All I have to do now is find my wallet. Oh jesus….
My wallet should be where my phone is. Nope. What about where my keys are. Well I can’t find those either. I’m surprised! But why? This has happened every morning for all of July…
I’m angry. I just don’t understand where they could be. I’ve looked at every obvious surface. It’s like they’re hiding from me. And in my petty rage, I personify my wallet as a sick rascal trying to fuck with me. BRO. I KNOW YOU’RE HERE!
But I secretly don’t want to find them. I want my anger to be justified. I want to stay angry at my wallet which has suddenly gained consciousness and motor skills. It feels kind of good to be angry. To blame others. To blame my wallet for my problems. All the time I’ve wasted. GOD I would have everything I’ve ever wanted if it wasn’t for this elusive wallet!
Cause if I find it, I have to come to terms with reality. I misplaced it. I lacked the mindfulness to remember where I put it.
This is actually my fault and only my fault. There is no one to blame. And all of this anger is masturbatory and self-righteous. It’s a distraction from reality. I’m a total hypocrite.
Eventually, I find the wallet. It’s like, you know, in the fridge or something. I was really stoned last night before passing out. And um.. yeah I’m an idiot. And as I walk to pick up my privileged ass breakfast tacos, I feel foolish, humbled, and maybe finally, ready to do better.